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welcome to our church!
we are the Church of Doughnuts, devoted to the worship of the highest God.....that which is the Doughnut. there are no gods higher than Doughnut....although most people have their own personal demi-gods and stuff, like banana pudding and final fantasy characters. those are nice, and they can be rather powerful gods too, its all according to the mind of the believer, but none are greater than Doughnut.
the highest form of worship for a doughnut....is eating it.
doughnuts are created with their only goal in life to be eaten.....they wish to please us, and our eating them therefore pleases them.
now, some people might be worrying right around now..."oh dear, but my diet! id never be able to fit doughnuts into it!" or "aah, but if i eat as many as you recommend, i'll just get fat!" well to you i say....take it somewhere else.
i and a few of the other higher officials in the church have the ability to bless the doughnuts, making them in fact rather healthy, non-fattening and still exactly as tasty as if they were loaded with..well....what they're loaded with. :snicker: but be warned, thats not the extent of our powers....if you do something wrong, we can make then doughnuts suddenly become asparagus filled, or poisonous, or super-fattening with the snap of a finger. ...at least those of us who can snap our fingers. its a metaphorical thing, really.
there are some heretic doughnuts though....
and these are those known as "KRISPY KREME." :glare: i know some of you people have grown up only really knowing the heretic as a doughnut, but really, they are pure EVIL. at the creation of a krispy kreme, the poor doughnut is subjected to ruthless testing, and if it is considered imperfect...it is thrown away! :cry: this is like...ethnic cleansing with FOOD, for crying out loud! and after the day is done, the old stale doughnuts are simply tossed in the TRASH! not even handed out in the back to poor starving hobos! such an insult to doughnutism! ....and besides, any doughnut that i can swallow whole is no doughnut. XD plus they tend to taste funny. now shipleys on the other hand....:nod:
and yes, we do have our own ecclesiastical structure.
im the founder and the popeduck of the church (and yes i have my own popeduckmobile :snicker:), tikimoof is an archbishop (there are actually multiple of these, as the church was founded a long time ago, its just that none of the other archbishops are on the forum ^^''), twilightphoenix is the peevish professional guardian (full title) and.......for high-ranking official [forum] ppl, thats pretty much it. actual list of all the converts and their titles so far coming [eventually]..im lazy XD
..and of course, what church would be complete without its own set of commandments?
1. Doughnut is the ultimate god, and none can surpass Doughnut's mighty power and general yumminess.
2. Eat as many doughnuts as you can as often as you can, for this is the highest for of worship for our god.
3. Worship as many gods and goddesses as you want, so long as you do not attempt to elevate any to a higher rank than Doughnut, under threat of smiting. from one of us human folks, too, so it'll smart, trust me.
4. Do not poke fun/mock/insult/etc the gods of a fellow member of the Church of Doughnuts, because it's mean, and they're allowed to hurt you for it.
5. Be kind to others. Unless they're a meanie to you first and totally deserve it.
6. You shall not kill, unless again, they totally deserve it.
7. You shall not cheat. Because, dude, you're just screwing yourself over for the next test, seriously.
8. You shall not steal. Unless you're a klepto. Can't really blame you for that then. You can steal something though if you do plan to give it back once you're done.
9. Do not lie, unless you'd be absolutely doomed otherwise.
10. Enjoy!
MultiQuote
sorry.
